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Category Archives: Honesty

He said he had a headache…

Freezing my ass off!

Freezing my ass off!

I can’t quite believe he refused me last night!

Well ok it was ‘a little’ after midnight and he said he had a headache…

But!! We hadn’t had sex the night before! And!! I was just about to menstruate (which means 3 days/nights of no fucking)

Put it this way, I was definitely looking forward to some hard cock and was pretty damn sure I’d get some…

AND I even put on a skimpy top, some stockings and not much else for the occasion (even though I was freezing my ass off!)

I pushed my ass in towards him and wriggled around a bit. He moves his hands over my breasts and pussy and does a few hard pushes into my arsehole which sends me momentarily to heaven. But then he trails off.

I turn to face him, trying to get to his very sensitive nipples and/or his cock.  But he doesn’t let me and it gets to the point where albeit laughs, he is wrestling me off.

I see the losing battle, so I gracefully give up and relax. But then he starts coming on to me!

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Self preservation,” he replies.

“It’s ok,” I say.

Although of course I am disappointed – I mean it – I’m not rebuffed very often – in fact I don’t usually have to try to get him to fuck me (very often!) and luckily my self esteem is big enough to take it.

He relaxes as well…

I fidget around a bit trying to get comfortable – eventually snuggling my ass in to him – wondering how I will get to sleep. I press my pussy a little for pleasure and for comfort.

“You’re just like a kitten,” he whispers in my ear.

Next thing I know, I’m waking up 3 hours later menstruating big time…

In the morning he is very touchy feely and tells me how much he loves me… As if he’s concerned that I might have taken a knock. But I’m fine – yes of course sex would have been ‘nice’ but I’m ok.

But I do appreciate his sweetness in making sure I don’t feel too bad…

 

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“Are you going to cum for your master?”

To submit or not to submit, that is the question…

When I reblogged a Kickstarter campain for Black Door Press recently (Go Gillian!) It did something crazy to the chronological order of my posts and it made me look at a few of my very early outpourings…

When I began this blog (very impulsively!) it was all about me having this renewed sex drive and using it as much as possible (with my husband).

Yes I have always had the tendency to want to be dominated during sexual play – but this kink seems to be spilling into daily life to such an extent that, if I’d known how much I would end up doing for him – I’m not sure I would have allowed us to get together – all those years ago…

That girl when we first met, was not prim and proper. Kind of sexually experienced – but with only a few people. Above all she believed in equality between the sexes – under all circumstances and had absolutely no idea about the pleasures of submission… Although saying that she did know that pain and the idea of being dominated turned her on – but only during sex!

There has been a journey of sorts…

Its been turning over and over in my mind what the next step is – if there is to be another step…

There are many blogs with different perspectives of sub/dom relaitionships – its been rather enlightening reading them. Most seem to work very well, but they are all each unique in their own way.

What we have at the moment works. We/I am happy…

I try to make his coffee every morning (which kind of turns me on – especially if I’m abit late with it and he’s coming down the stairs and sees me scuttling around trying to get it done). I apologize alot to him. (Something about saying sorry is so horny for me.) He is also so much sterner with me in everyday life. (which makes me soooo wet!) He pushes me around – which he never used to do. He fondles and feels me (and takes my breath away) many times during each day.

But if its just about sex…

The other night we were fucking and he said

“Are you going to cum for your master?” It was like electricity shooting through me and I could feel my whole body shaking with the effects of those words…

He has never used the word ‘master’ before. Of course I orgasmed and then he said it again… But it wasn’t actually the cumming which made me stand to attention (don’t get me wrong it was delicious!)

His little string of words seemed to touch something deep inside. I didn’t talk about it afterwards. He could have been joking… or talking dirty – I guess he knows many of my little turn ons…

There is definitely a new dynamic in our relationship. Maybe that is why we are closer than we have ever been.

We’ve talked half jokingly about me being his fuckable property. I guess I am. But how far will this go?

Strangely though, I have always been the more dominant one in the relationship. Its me who has always made the ‘big’ decisions (of course with his full cooperation.)

But there is something so deliciously enticing being a slave to all his wishes… actually being owned…

Its his birthday soon and I am toying with the idea of sending him a card with:

I give myself to you…

or some such writing in. Of course I will be his present for the day (maybe its his birthday everyday!) But part of me wants to go further…

I guess we need to talk! Something in me is holding back though. He’s the sort of person, who doesn’t like setting things in stone or giving things labels or names. Maybe we don’t need to talk and it will happen naturally…

I’m not sure what will happen or what is right to be honest.

We shall see… any thoughts much appreciated…

I am going to have to get my shit together again for the next few weeks – which means visiting your blogs alot less – I really will miss you (mostly pervy) people!!  But has do be done as it does take up time reading your juicy writings! My postings have been a little thin of late – so no change on this front ; )

But it won’t be forever – just the next few weeks!

Of course I will be replying to your comments! 

 

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My history of enjoying pain…part one

As far as I can remember I have been masochistically inclined…

I recall seeing The King and I one Christmas aged four and wanting to be the daughter lying prostrate about to be whipped, with that long thick black vicious looking whip that Yul (my first official crush) Brynner was holding.

My parents were pretty young when they had me. I think they did a good job of raising me apart from never allowing any negative emotions to be shown. I was certainly not allowed to cry – unless I had hurt myself.

Maybe this is partly where my fascination of experiencing pain came from… A release of sorts…

Aged 8, my dad had smacked my bum for something and I ran upstairs to look at my ass to see if it was red… Sadly it wasn’t, but that evening and subsequent evenings I hit myself with a leather belt trying to make welts. There was never any feeling of self destruction with this act – just a thrilling curiosity…

It only happened a few times, but between the age of 8 and 11, my mother beat me with her hand or slipper until I was pretty hysterical. She was so angry that the only way I was able to stop her was by cuddling her and telling her that I loved her over and over again. I remember from the time of that first beating swearing to myself that I would never have children – adults shouldn’t be trusted to have them…

It took me a long time to forgive my mother – even into my adult life I held a grudge for her actions… When I asked her why she had done it – she said it was because she loved me more than anything else(!)

But isn’t that what I ultimately want in my sexual relationship now? To be pushed physically to that point where its too much and I have to beg for mercy or ‘cuddle’ into him and get fucked to show how sorry I am…

After my dad left home, I used to have these recurring dreams – awake and asleep – of having an imaginary father who would beat me for any misdoings and/or of an elder brother who would consistently be incredibly cruel to me – in all sorts of ways…

I know these things in reality would have been horrendous – but in my dreams I craved this…

My husband does have sexual sadistic tendencies towards me (thank God!), but he is far too concerned for my personal welfare to beat me into submission at every opportunity. We also have kids and it just wouldn’t be right to be physically abused in front of them. But when little eyes aren’t looking, he will push me out of the way, slap my ass, pinch my nipples, punch me in the pussy, grab my hair and shove my face into his cock,  slap my cheek with his hand – or with his hard cock, hit me with a belt until I have the marks to show for it, shove open my legs to ram his cock in, make me lick his asshole, make me stand in an awkward position so my ass sticks out for him…

Long may this glorious fucking life continue…

 

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After orgasm 3 my tears are pathetically welling up…

Not too many... just a few...

He said he had a headache… My heart sank…

In bed for sleep, he usually starts off with his back to me and I usually rub my breasts and pussy against him… He doesn’t seem to mind…and it usually gives him a hard on.

After about 30 seconds of rubbing he says

“Do I need to get a condom?” It could be my imagination – or more likely he is teasing me, but he sounds put upon and tired. But I need his cock, so I swallow my pride…

We fuck and its good, but I feel abit shitty at the same time. I think I’m using him for his cock, and although it feels huge and hard I’m worried about his head hurting and him not really wanting to be doing it…

After orgasm 3 my tears are pathetically welling up. He can’t see because we are in darkness. I’m feeling kind of monstrous – like a female spider.

I cum again and again, and again. Its good to be sexually satisfied – but sad isn’t so great.

“You’d better come out now – or I’ll be keeping you here all night” I say reluctantly. He takes out his still hard cock and I dig out the wank cloth.

“That was intense, but what’s the matter?” he asks as I lie on his chest while he arranges the cloth.

“Nothing, really. Well there is something, but can I tell you after?”

“Tell me now!”

“No, please let me tell you after… Its not big or awful, but it is something…” He self pleasures and I help out, licking, sucking, rubbing and scratching where he likes it…

After, I try to talk, but I can’t really find the words to express…

“Are you vulnerable and inarticulate?” He asks (in a Brooklyn accent.)

“Kind of… Its just that I feel like I’m using you and… I mean I know you were hard, but did you enjoy the fucking?” He pulls me closer.

“Of course I did! Don’t you know I was only playing earlier? Silly! I thought you knew that…” I’m getting my words together abit better now…

“I’ve always played hard to get in the past. Well, maybe not played – just not been needing to have sex so much, but now its different. I think I’m trying to ask if its alright with you that I am now always ready for ‘it’. I’m finding it abit overwhelming… Always wanting it… Always thinking abou…”

He kisses me on the forehead and pulls me even closer.

“Is that what you’re going on about? Any man, dead or alive would not find this a problem!”

“Really?” I feel so relieved. rather silly, and sweetly reassured…

 

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All the things I never wanted…

I never wanted to be called a slut.

I never wanted to be objectified.

I never wanted to be used.

I never wanted to be called a slut.

I never wanted to have my pussy pounded so hard.

I never wanted to have my nipples pinched as much as they are now.

I never wanted to feel so helpless and eager with my legs spread wide.

I never wanted to be fingered with more than two fingers.

I never wanted to feel so submissive.

I never wanted to feel the back of his hand so bad…

I never wanted to wake up with a cock being shoved into my mouth.

I never wanted to be so wet and ready all the time.

I never wanted to be whistled at.

I never wanted to be buggered by such a huge one.

I never wanted to be pawed and mauled.

I never wanted to be fucked every night (and day).

I never really really really wanted to suck cock.

I never wanted to be degraded so much.

I never wanted to think about another woman giving him head,

nor him holding me open for someone else to wank over…

I never wanted to be looked at with a stranger’s leering eye.

I never wanted to be so abused.

I never wanted to be a good writer.

I never wanted you the reader to get hard or wet reading my words.

How things have changed this past year…

HAPPY NEW YEAR! MAY YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE!

 

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Putting the record straight…

I haven’t mentioned this before – because it seemed quite insignificant at the time – but my husband now knows about this blog…

I can’t lie about anything really to my nearest and dearest friends and I just had to tell him…

His reaction, I thought was incredible as it was so ‘nothing!’

I think I began the conversation with lights out and just after having sex…

“Well, that’s another one for the blog…”

“Oh yeh?” he replies rather sleepily…

“I actually do have a blog…”

“Yeh… Really?” still sleepy – probably not the best time to have a conversation with him!

“I’ll tell you about it in the morning, but basically our sex life in detail is on the internet…”

“What… what have you called your blog?”

“Sexuallifeofawife.”

“Oh that sounds good.”

“Really, so you don’t mind?”

“No, why should I?” I pause in the conversation to think of a reply and in the meantime he is asleep…

The next morning I show him some posts (I go out the room as I feel really quite scared of his opinion on my writing – him being a writer by profession and ‘abit’ of a perfectionist!)

And as I thought the first thing he does is point out some spelling and punctuation mistakes (!)

Then he gives me praise! (Hallelujah and I jump 50 feet inside myself!) He likes it! He can be so scornful of bad/lazy writing and he wouldn’t be too worried about hurting my feelings on this account.

So now that puts the record straight!

Oh, yeh... this has been me all week!

 

 

 

 
21 Comments

Posted by on December 14, 2011 in Honesty, relationships, sex, The truth

 

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