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My history of enjoying pain…part one

23 Mar

As far as I can remember I have been masochistically inclined…

I recall seeing The King and I one Christmas aged four and wanting to be the daughter lying prostrate about to be whipped, with that long thick black vicious looking whip that Yul (my first official crush) Brynner was holding.

My parents were pretty young when they had me. I think they did a good job of raising me apart from never allowing any negative emotions to be shown. I was certainly not allowed to cry – unless I had hurt myself.

Maybe this is partly where my fascination of experiencing pain came from… A release of sorts…

Aged 8, my dad had smacked my bum for something and I ran upstairs to look at my ass to see if it was red… Sadly it wasn’t, but that evening and subsequent evenings I hit myself with a leather belt trying to make welts. There was never any feeling of self destruction with this act – just a thrilling curiosity…

It only happened a few times, but between the age of 8 and 11, my mother beat me with her hand or slipper until I was pretty hysterical. She was so angry that the only way I was able to stop her was by cuddling her and telling her that I loved her over and over again. I remember from the time of that first beating swearing to myself that I would never have children – adults shouldn’t be trusted to have them…

It took me a long time to forgive my mother – even into my adult life I held a grudge for her actions… When I asked her why she had done it – she said it was because she loved me more than anything else(!)

But isn’t that what I ultimately want in my sexual relationship now? To be pushed physically to that point where its too much and I have to beg for mercy or ‘cuddle’ into him and get fucked to show how sorry I am…

After my dad left home, I used to have these recurring dreams – awake and asleep – of having an imaginary father who would beat me for any misdoings and/or of an elder brother who would consistently be incredibly cruel to me – in all sorts of ways…

I know these things in reality would have been horrendous – but in my dreams I craved this…

My husband does have sexual sadistic tendencies towards me (thank God!), but he is far too concerned for my personal welfare to beat me into submission at every opportunity. We also have kids and it just wouldn’t be right to be physically abused in front of them. But when little eyes aren’t looking, he will push me out of the way, slap my ass, pinch my nipples, punch me in the pussy, grab my hair and shove my face into his cock,  slap my cheek with his hand – or with his hard cock, hit me with a belt until I have the marks to show for it, shove open my legs to ram his cock in, make me lick his asshole, make me stand in an awkward position so my ass sticks out for him…

Long may this glorious fucking life continue…

 

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14 responses to “My history of enjoying pain…part one

  1. Cruel Intentions

    March 23, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Isn’t love grand. I only did it because I love you so much.. As misguided as parents are I think at our core we want nothing but the best for our children its just that sometimes we are not taught the skills we need to deal with problems perpetuating the cycle with our children

    But then I kind of admire your Husband. It sounds like he has you well in hand.

    Cheers Cruel

     
    • sexuallifeofawife

      March 23, 2012 at 5:38 pm

      Oh we do want the best for our kids (of course there are always exceptions!)… Maybe there should be some sort of parenting classes – maybe there are already… maybe they are just too patronizing or nauseating to become mainstream…

      Yes, my husband has definitely grown better over the last few years in his handling of me.
      I in turn have become more willingly handled… ; )

       
  2. Gillian Colbert

    March 23, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Cruel said it best so I won’t add on, but while he admires hubby, I envy you 😉

    Best wishes…

     
    • sexuallifeofawife

      March 23, 2012 at 6:23 pm

      Thank you Gillian!! Yes, I do feel very lucky – but of course hubby does have his faults as well : )

       
  3. Theo Black

    March 23, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    This is so erotic and deep. I really want to see part two.

     
  4. Racer X

    March 24, 2012 at 3:30 am

    Yes, quite deep and erotic. You are definitely the type of girl who needs to be firmly disciplined on a consistent basis…

    I can only imaging how delicious it would be to smack the sweet ass of yours until it turns red…

     
    • sexuallifeofawife

      March 24, 2012 at 6:01 pm

      Yes I do Racer X… and I can only imagine how delicious it would feel to have my sweet ass smacked by your very firm hand…

       
  5. The Hook

    March 24, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    The human psyche is truly a mystery isn’t it? At least you’re in a good, healthy, monogamous relationship now and you;re in a position to help guide others to a good place as well!
    Victory is yours, you gorgeous creature!

     
    • sexuallifeofawife

      March 24, 2012 at 12:32 pm

      I’m so totally unsure of how I got here, but at the moment I do feel very happy…
      Thank you Hook!!

       
  6. BimodalTendancies

    March 24, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    My dear, the things bouncing around in your head utterly terrify me. Well done indeed. 😉

     
    • sexuallifeofawife

      March 24, 2012 at 3:40 pm

      Mmm, I know from reading your blog its definitely not your cup of tea ; )
      Thank you Bimodal!

       
  7. Virtual Sinner

    March 24, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I hereby punish you by withholding my sexual favors, indefinitely.

     
    • sexuallifeofawife

      March 24, 2012 at 6:03 pm

      No, Virtual Sinner! Please, I beg you on my knees… Not that!

       

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